Troubled Sea So Deep
by KuroRiya
Summary: Lapis leaves the stifling life of her hometown for the city, and never looks back. The city is less forgiving than she imagined, and it takes her a while to catch up, but she's quickly swept up in a new existence in which she thrives, exploring society and herself without the restriction of expectations. Along the way she meets many new people, but no one quite like Pearl.


She was ashamed to admit it, but Lapis left her hometown because of a boy.

Just like any of the others she'd been with, he'd been sweet as honey when she met him. He made her feel safe, made her feel important. But after a while, his embraces felt less like affection and more like imprisonment.

So she left. If she couldn't find what she wanted at home, maybe she'd find it in the city. That's what teenagers did where she came from; They'd hit about twenty, then go live in the city for a couple years, eventually winding up back home after they'd met someone who was bored enough to give up the convenience of the big city for the charm of a small town.

Lapis wasn't going to be one of them, though. She'd leave like they did, but she didn't have intentions of coming back for anything but a visit. The walls of her room might as well have been made of bars. Her father should wear a guard uniform every day instead of a mechanic's jumper. Her mother had given up on her years ago, had stopped trying to intervene on her behalf.

She knew what they wanted. They wanted her to be like them. They wanted her to find a man like her father, someone who worked hard every day to bring home the food that she would cook up every night. They wanted her to buy a sweet little house a few blocks over and come home for dinner every Sunday evening. They wanted her to grow her hair longer and pin it up into spray-hardened updos, tucking all of her feathery tresses away so they wouldn't cover the pretty face they'd been kind enough to provide the genes for.

For a long time, they had Lapis believing she wanted the same thing. She was content to talk to the boys they introduced her to at neighborhood barbeques. She giggled at the flirtations, truly felt special when they complimented her carefully braided hair and her thinly lined eyes, just like her mother's.

She felt an innocent sort of nervousness when they'd, eventually, venture to initiate some sort of contact, be that a hand placed in the small of her back, or a gentle touch to her shoulder blades.

But it started to hiccup when she couldn't seem to date the same boy for very long. At first, her parents chalked it up to wanting to find the right guy. But when words started floating around, words like tease, and slut, things changed.

Her father wasn't as quick to usher her into a conversation, to put her on display for friends and coworkers. Her mother didn't ramble loudly about how healthy her skin was or how her blonde hair shone in the sunlight, didn't proudly claim to be the source of those traits. People didn't talk about how blue her eyes were, or how gracefully she commanded her lithe form.

After yelling at her until she was purple, Lapis' mother wouldn't speak to her for a week after she cut her hair short. It didn't matter that she loved the way the air felt on her neck, or that she felt almost weightless without the two feet of hair she'd had sheared off. Even after they found some sort of reconciliation, her mother would still sigh with a deep frown, trying in vain to braid the short bob. Lapis allowed it, since her mother cried when she'd bat her hands away.

She could hear boys talking about her. She pretended not to, because her mother raised her to bite her tongue. Better to save face than give them the satisfaction of seeing her get upset. Besides, no matter how many times they called her a whore or wondered aloud whether she was a virgin or not, there never seemed to be a lack of someone who wanted to take her to the movies or invite her out to the Country Club to dance.

Even up to the day before she left, some boy whose name didn't matter had taken her to get shakes at the diner. He'd asked her out a few times, and though she could already tell that he wasn't the one, she had let him escort her a few times already. Why? She had no idea herself, she just felt like she needed to be spending time with someone.

But she'd grown tired of the way people looked at her, the way people talked about her. She got tired of boys who led her around like a child, nudging her forward with a hand at her waist or pressed to the small of her back. She was tired of stumbling because of it. She was tired of wearing her clean white shoes.

The last day that she spent in town, she put on her favorite sundress. Her mother hated it because it was a halter, tied around the neck. She always fussed that Lapis was showing too much skin, that the dress was liable to fall off at any given moment. It'd never fallen off before, and Lapis would risk it for the breezy freedom it offered her, smooth skirts gathering and flowing around her knees as she moved.

She didn't put her shoes on, didn't mention where she was going, slipping barefoot down the sidewalk until she came to her favorite place. She'd never shared this field with anyone. A few years ago, the area had been blocked off because they considered the river that ran through the area dangerous after a kid fell in and drowned.

Even before they had taken down the signs, Lapis had snuck in. Wildflowers between her toes felt about as close to freedom as she could get. And when it was warm enough she could put her feet in the water and pretend to melt into it, pretend like it took her far away to the ocean where she could ebb and flow on any shore she wished.

That's how she spent her last day, legs submerged halfway up to her knees and arms spread wide in the tall grass. She felt hours pass her by as she watched the sky change colors, her toes pruney when she finally pulled herself out of the river. She walked home without urgency, feeling the surface of the pavement under her feet, grass tickling her soles where it managed to grow out of cracks in the sidewalk.

She answered her parents' questions with a calmness they'd trained her to have as she packed away what belongings she was going to bother with taking. They all fit into one suitcase that she'd only used twice in her life; Once on vacation with her family, and once for a school trip.

The boy she was seeing had let her borrow his letterman. She decided to keep it. It looked better on her anyway. And, with that over her shoulders, and a bus ticket that she'd kept hidden with her underwear in hand, she left without any regrets.

The bus ride wasn't as fun as she'd anticipated. When they'd traveled a state over for a summer camp, the school bus had been filled with laughter and songs belted at the top of teenage lungs.

Nobody was singing on the greyhound. Nobody talked to her. No one even looked at her, wondering what a girl so young was doing on a greyhound by herself and with so few belongings. They didn't care, she realized. They didn't care that she had cut off her hair, or that she hated wearing shoes, or that she had dated more boys than she cared to remember.

To them, she was just another girl that was going nowhere fast.

It was exhilarating.

She got off the bus and began stumbling around the city she'd wound up in. She'd never experienced anything quite like it; No matter where she walked, someone ran into her and then spat obscenities until she scampered off, apologizing until the person was out of sight, forgotten and forgetting about her.

She felt so anonymous. She could walk up, poke someone in the nose, then scamper off into the crowd to be lost and forgotten in a few hours. She could kiss someone and no one cared who it was, didn't care if she used tongue or not, didn't care if she went out with him again or not.

Of course, she didn't do any of these things. She found a large man to walk behind, letting him part the crowd for her, and kept her eye out for her next step.

The one thing that Lapis had neglected to do was any kind of planning. She was in the city, yes, but she had nowhere to stay. She had no food, no one to rely on, no way to get anywhere. The reality of it came crashing down on her when the sun began setting and she was still wandering the street, hungry and lost and ready to lay down.

But even when the moon reached its highest point in the sky, she was still milling around, not sure what to do and panicking too much to think about it rationally. She felt small. Smaller than life at home had ever made her feel.

She fell asleep on a bench that was in no way comfortable, and in no way legal. Luckily for her, a couple out for a morning walk noticed her before any authorities did and took her to their home, filling her stomach and sending her to a guest room to get some proper sleep.

She slept for a few hours, then woke up and ate the generous lunch they'd made her before going to work. She took a quick shower, then got dressed, scribbled a quick note, and took her leave. She was embarrassed to have needed help so soon, and was too ashamed to face the couple again.

Back on the streets again, she had a fresh perspective. Instead of walking around without a goal, she looked for any place with hiring signs. Her first impression was far from good, considering she was still lugging along the suitcase that seemed to get heavier with each passing hour. They'd seen her type before.

She didn't find a job that day, but was lucky enough to have a place to stay the night. One of the employees at a café she'd tried to get hired at took pity and led her to a small apartment and a couch that, although lumpy, was a million times better than any bench she might have found.

She tried again the next day, again with no luck. The waitress that had taken her in the night before directed her to a friend's house. And that was where she met Peridot for the first time.

Peridot was a short girl with unruly blonde hair and a serious attitude. When she answered the door, her eyes were rimmed with dark circles, her glasses balanced precariously close to the tip of her nose, and the bun she'd clearly spent a lot of time on was falling apart. Still, she greeted Lapis cooly, directing her to the spare room before sitting down and getting back to work on whatever she was doing on her expensive looking computer.

The girl was looking for a roommate, but her personality alienated most people. She had a way of speaking that could come off as impolite. Lapis took it in stride though, especially since the other girl was willing to let her stay for a few days without any commitments, allowing her to more efficiently search for a job.

Eventually, someone decided she'd do, and she started work at a local pizza place. It was tiring work, ducking between the kitchen and the dining room, cooking and taking orders all at once. But her miserable life story earned her good tips, and soon she'd been added to the lease and had permanently moved into the spare bedroom in Peridot's apartment.

Once she felt she'd started to settle in, Lapis decided to call home and let them know that she was alive. She picked up the landline and slowly dialed her old home, pressing the receiver to her ear and listening to the ring that played shrilly in her ear. After the fourth ring, she heard a click and sucked in a breath in anticipation.

It was her mother who had answered. She said she was happy to finally hear from her. Lapis could hear the relief in her voice, and it made her heart ache a little for home. She sometimes forgot that her parents really did love her, deep down.

Lapis recounted her adventure thus far, omitting some of the details she knew would bother her mother. And, to her surprise, her mother listened silently, not interrupting her or correcting something she said. She wondered if leaving had changed their perspective. Maybe they were willing to try and understand her now.

Her hope was dashed when her mother breathed heavily into the receiver, a sound she recognized as her mother trying to hold in an angry outburst. She was rarely successful, and that wasn't about to change anytime soon.

She yelled about how irresponsible Lapis was being. She hemmed about how undignified her lifestyle was and hawed about her throwing her future away. Lapis trembled, her eyes blurry with tears that she'd learned to keep silent, unable to listen any longer but just as unable to hang up the receiver.

She finally slammed it down when her mother began ranting about the dyke she was living with, and how she was going to wind up in hell because she moved in with a lesbian and was probably going to catch it.

That night, she went out and got a cartilage piercing, and she took a hit for the first time when Peridot, as she always did, offered her fluorescent green pipe. Peridot helped her dye her hair blue, and Lapis helped her smooth down her hair so it'd stay in a bun properly in return. She cried on Peridot's shoulder while the other girl busily tapped away at her keyboard, eventually falling asleep against her tummy on the couch.

She'd never even thought about dating girls. It was so commonly accepted in her hometown that everyone was supposed to be straight that she hadn't even considered the alternative. But when she told Peridot what her mother had said, the girl shrugged and said it was true.

She would always be ashamed to admit it, but her first reaction was to leave, to forget she'd ever even met Peridot, to recoil as if faced with a monster. It was what she had been taught to do, it was so engrained. But she froze before she could even take a step back, internally berating herself for having thought of something like that.

It hadn't been very long since she'd moved in, but she was growing to truly appreciate Peridot's indifferent companionship. She'd talked to her about things she couldn't have told her best friend back home. She supposed that made Peridot her new best friend.

Peridot agreed to be the first girl Lapis kissed. And, even though she knew that she didn't want to date her, Lapis still really like the feeling of Peridot's soft lips. Boys rarely bothered to wear chapstick, and their faces could get so prickly. Peridot was soft, and not in any sort of rush. She didn't press against Lapis so hard it hurt, didn't bruise her lips by being careless with her teeth.

Lapis decided she liked kissing girls that day.

When she found a new job doing reception for the local university, which came with a mentionable pay raise, they celebrated by going to the beach. It was strange to think, after all the time she used to spend thinking about the ocean, that she had neglected to go all this time while being so close.

Peridot invited a couple of her friends, since she was one of the few that Lapis had. She mentioned asking her crush to come, but Lapis wasn't really paying attention, mindlessly agreeing to play it cool. Kiki and Jenny came too, so it was sure to be fun enough.

They hopped on the subway, riding it as close to the sea as they could before getting off and walking to a nearby Dairy Queen. Jenny bought them each a vanilla cone to work on while they waited for one of Peridot's friends to pick them up. When the girl finally showed, Lapis sort of felt her heart stutter.

She'd find out later that the girl was named Jasper. Lapis never had and probably never would meet anyone that was anything like Jasper. She was a hulk of a girl, taller and more muscular than any of the boys Lapis had gone out with before she left. Her default expression seemed to be a wolfish grin, her light eyes glinting in the summer sun. She let her mentionably long white-blonde hair fall across her shoulders naturally, looking an awful lot like it needed a good brushing, but it still felt styled, somehow, like she kept it like that intentionally.

While it suited her, the name Jasper was a little… Masculine. But when questioned about it, Jasper would throw her head back and laugh, loud and obnoxious, yet charismatic all the same. She thought it was a funny story; Her parents had been so sure she'd be a boy. They painted everything blue and bought clothes for a baby boy, and picked out the name, Jasper, before the baby had even come.

"Imagine their surprise when their son had the wrong parts!" She'd cackle. "Never could accept that I wasn't a boy. Kept the name, kept the clothes, my walls at home are still blue. I don't think I disappointed them, though. Still got a quarterback out of the deal." She'd finish with a shrug of her shoulders, their size only emphasizing her point.

But the most fascinating thing about Jasper was her skin, in Lapis' opinion. Later, when they were on the beach and she got caught staring, Jasper would explain it to her. She had a rare skin condition that resulted in her losing pigment in places, leaving patches and stripes of her skin a creamy pink instead of the milky brown it seemed was her original coloring.

Lapis got the feeling that Jasper used to get picked on a lot about it. It was in the way that she carried herself. She was proud now, but Lapis could tell it was a recently-found pride, one that she'd worked on building up for a long time. After all, she had a similar background. She wondered if Jasper's personality was different before her skin started to change. Maybe she was meek, quiet, bookish, thoughtful.

But Lapis liked Jasper as she was. She hadn't been staring because she was horrified by Jasper's condition; She'd been staring because she found it strangely beautiful, found Jasper strangely beautiful. And, despite the huge girl's aggressive and sometimes downright mean personality, she had an inexplicable pull. People gravitated towards her boisterous laughter, to her triumphant yells when she picked Lapis up and threw her into the ocean without ceremony.

Lapis wasn't an exception. She was drawn to Jasper. No matter how rude the girl was, Lapis appreciated that she was straightforward. She wasn't scared to tell you what she needed, be that a piece of gum or a tampon. She wasn't scared to call bullshit. She wasn't scared to call Lapis out on the social shortcomings she was prone to since she hadn't grown up in the city.

When they got in the car at the Dairy Queen, for example, Lapis had somehow wound up in the front seat. While it was a bit awkward to be sitting with a girl she'd never met, it wasn't the end of the world. She'd settled in after greeting the new face that she wished she could get a better look at without being impolite. They'd been driving for a minute or so when she reached out to change the radio station.

In that moment, everyone went silent. All the chatter from the girls in the backseat ceased immediately, and Lapis felt as though she'd been put on a stage the way everyone was staring at her.

"What the fuck?" Jasper demanded, a brow quirked in a fashion that denoted danger. Lapis recoiled at the language, still unused to people that cursed so openly. But then she realized that she'd done something to warrant the tone, and she bit her lip.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm not sure what I did wrong, but I didn't mean-" She began, but Jasper halted her in her tracks.

"Look, blue, I don't know where the hell you're from, but we civilized people have a rule about the tunes; Driver picks music. Hands off the radio." She growled, smirking like an animal but somehow still communicating her forgiveness for Lapis' misstep.

And while it had been embarrassing for her, Lapis was thankful that Jasper had bothered to explain it to her. Peridot often just rolled her eyes and pretended like Lapis hadn't messed up, never took the time to tell her why her actions were strange.

She wanted to learn. She wanted to fit in. She wanted Jasper to like her. Oh god.

But it seemed she had no need to fret. Apparently her naïveté was endearing, for Jasper called Peridot's landline a couple days later, asking to talk to her. Peridot looked sort of flustered when she brought the phone, and she shoved it into Lapis' hands irritably, retreating into her bedroom without a word.

Jasper sounded awkward on the phone, but she somehow managed to talk to Lapis for an hour before gracelessly asking her to get dinner sometime.

Lapis had giggled, nodding for a moment before realizing Jasper couldn't see, and feeling quite silly. Jasper eventually got the message though, and solidified a date and time when she would pick Lapis up.

She was late. It was okay, though, because it gave Lapis time to ask Peridot to help her choose between a halter top that Jenny had talked her into, or her favorite dress. Peridot looked annoyed, which was normal, but Lapis thought it looked a little more real this time. She wondered why her friend might be annoyed, but figured it had something to do with whatever she was always typing away at.

When Jasper did show up, just under fifteen minutes late, it was with an apologetic grin. She'd pulled her hair back into a high ponytail, and Lapis thought the style didn't suit her, but that the attempt was cute. Jasper was wearing a flattering halter top, her toned stomach proudly displayed. Lapis was glad Peridot had helped her choose to wear the dress, because the halter thing definitely looked better on Jasper.

The car ride was pretty awkward. Lapis had finally come to the crushing realization that she was, in fact, going on a date with a girl! She wanted to kiss a girl! She wanted Jasper to hold her the way boys did, she wanted to hold her hand, and go on dates.

Was she a lesbian? She hadn't even thought of that. Did she like women, or just Jasper? Had she ever felt the same about a boy? No, not really, but did that mean that she never would? Was this even how she was supposed to feel?

While she struggled to come to terms with her sexuality, Jasper found herself at an apparent loss, unable to think of anything to say to the pretty girl she hadn't thought she had a chance with. She'd thrown her in the ocean and cussed at her about the radio. Why had she agreed to come out?

Whatever it was that had led Lapis to agree, Jasper was thankful. But the silence seemed to be bordering on uncomfortable, and Lapis seemed to be concentrating very hard on something unseen.

"So, uh, where are you from? I actually want to know." She blurted, and Lapis was jarred back into the present. She'd nearly forgotten that Jasper was there, if she was being honest, so wrapped up in thoughts of how she ought to define herself from then on.

But she smiled as her eyes met Jasper's, letting them trail over the patterns in the girl's skin while the other returned her attention to the road. And she explained where she'd come from. And once they'd sat down for dinner, she continued, telling Jasper of the things she'd seen, the way she lived, the sort of people she'd grown up around. She told of her experience, of the things people had been saying about her, and why.

And she explained why she left. She explained why she had been so strange in the car, detailed her thinking to Jasper with full trust that the girl would listen and understand.

In turn, Jasper told of her life growing up in the poor part of the city. Her parents had always wanted a boy, but her peers wanted her to be a girl, and it tortured her most of her young life, torn in two and unable to find acceptance with either party. She recalled how she worked her way through the system till she was transferred to a better school, eventually earning a sports scholarship for her skill in wrestling, football, and rugby. She kept playing so she had the money to work on a degree.

Lapis was impressed, to say the least. The sports scholarships were unsurprising, given the girl's physique, but the rest… She hadn't anticipated Jasper having any interest in the intellectual. It was unfair to think so, but Jasper had presented herself mostly as brawn. Jasper explained that it was just hard for her to articulate things, because she thought differently than most people. But she was working hard to get her degree.

It made her realize, just then, that she was a little jealous. Peridot, too, was working on a degree, diligently. Lapis felt like she was being left behind. Yes, she'd moved up and was in a job that might actually provide her with a decent career, eventually. But did she want to commit to something without even having tried higher education?

She signed up for the fall semester, at which point she and Jasper were considered to be exclusively dating, and had gone as far as making out, which sent Lapis' head spinning every time. She kept her reception job, utilizing an employee discount on tuition and her stellar grades from high school to pay for her first year, which went by in a blur of exhaustion and new experiences.

People considered her mature because she managed to balance her job and classes. It left her feet dragging most days, but she made do. She was nothing if not stubborn; Once she set out to accomplish something, nothing could sway her. Still it wore down on her.

But she never failed to have the energy for her girlfriend. When she got back to the apartment, which Jasper had pretty much moved into, she always expended the last of her energy on spending time with the girl. She was happy to do it, lovesick as she was.

Jasper was her first. Despite how common it was to hear her called a slut back home, she'd never even let a boy make out with her. She was beginning to doubt she ever would. When Jasper held her, smiling content as they lay in bed, she couldn't imagine anyone else's arm around her waist. They stayed up for hours just talking, laughing as they miscommunicated their ideas until they couldn't seem to stay awake anymore.

Truly, she had never fallen in love before, and she fell hard.

It took nearly a full year for Lapis to start noticing some of Jasper's more… Grating traits.

The girl was incredibly physical. When she paid attention, Lapis was startled to count how many times she was uncomfortably jostled throughout the day. It was mostly accidental, but frequent and jarring enough for it to be irritating. Jasper also shoved her a lot, often times just scooting her out of the way of whatever she was after. Lapis was reminded of the way boys used to lead her around by the small of her back.

She realized, one day when they'd taken a trip to the beach and were perusing the boardwalk, that Jasper was guilty of even that. Her eyes went wide for a moment when she felt the flat of Jasper's palm against her bare back, exposed by the bikini top of her swimsuit.

When she stumbled forward in the correct direction, it dawned on her that she might need to start reevaluating things a bit.

The more she thought about it, back pressed against Jasper's torso while the larger girl slept, the more that she realized how very much she disliked about Jasper. The other was inconsiderate at best, and often dismissive of Lapis' ideas and requests. Her tone was condescending at most points, and Lapis was starting to notice that Jasper had a possessiveness about her, belied by her need to know where Lapis was anytime she was not at work or scheduled to have class.

It built. She became steadily more annoyed with small things that Jasper did. She started going to bed earlier, so she wouldn't have to say no when Jasper asked if they could have sex. She would roll her eyes when Jasper tried, and generally failed, to say sweet things. She'd duck out of rooms when she got the feeling that Jasper was about to initiate contact.

The thing that finally made her snap was something so petty. It wasn't even Jasper's fault. The girl had stopped to grab some groceries on the way home, and as she was stumbling through the door, she'd noticed Lapis was in the hallway.

"Babe, could you move?" She'd requested. It wasn't aggressive, really. She had only wanted to warn Lapis. But at the time, as on edge as she'd been, it had rubbed her entirely the wrong way.

Lapis, after throwing a fit worthy of a two-year-old, did the only thing she knew to do to get away from her problems. She called the university and filled out a residency request the next day, packing her bags and moving into her new dorm room before Jasper even had a chance to talk her into reconsidering.

Jasper wound up taking over her half of the lease on Peridot's apartment, and, after a few months, they'd manage to talk it out and resolve to be friends. But for the time being, the breakup was new in Lapis' mind, and she had resolved never to date another girl like Jasper.

She'd been so star-struck by dating a girl for the first time that she hadn't noticed how eerily similar Jasper was to the boys she'd dated before. What sense was there in leaving that behind if she was just going to date the same sort of people in the city?

After some heavy thinking, she realized that she always gravitated towards people that were socially dominant. It was hard to fault her on this, because socially dominant people tended to be very charismatic. But it often leaked into their relationships, too, it would seem. Looking back on it, none of her relationships had felt equal; She'd always felt like she was just following along with her partners' whims.

With the new environment, she made a promise to herself not to be subservient in her next relationship, whenever that might be. This time, she wanted the leading role.

The first time she met Pearl was hardly a memorable occasion. The shower in her room had been on the fritz, so she'd called ResLife, and Pearl showed up a punctual five minutes later, a large tool box in hand.

She introduced herself as the dorm supervisor, then promptly excused herself to the bathroom where she didn't hesitate to begin tinkering with the faucet. Lapis looked on, unsure of her impression of Pearl. She'd gotten the dorm tour from a substitute supervisor, because Pearl had taken a surprise leave of absence. All anyone had known about it was that it was family related.

Lapis knew nothing of maintenance, but she could tell that Pearl was skilled at it. The girl worked quickly and without hesitation. But it contrasted with the way she looked. She had a thin, lanky frame, but her control over it was formidable. Each movement she made seemed calculated, graceful. Her hair and skin were very light, and she dressed in soft colors to compliment her natural pallet. Lapis could imagine her being a ballerina.

And yet, she was busy at work putting the faucet back together with a large wrench, piano fingers covered with glues or pastes or whatever was inside of a shower faucet. The juxtaposition left Lapis unsure of what to think, or what to say, and before she could find words, Pearl had already stood, tested the shower, then packed her tools back up.

"It should work fine now." She said with a small nod, bidding goodbye and disappearing as quickly as she'd come.

Lapis didn't think much about the encounter, since it wasn't particularly remarkable. But she did realize that she'd actually encountered Pearl before. As a dorm supervisor, the girl often dropped things off at Lapis' desk to be delivered elsewhere in the main building. It seemed that she noticed the connection about the same time Lapis did.

Now that they had established recognition, it would be awkward not to speak to each other at some point in the interaction, and so Pearl offered a small smile and a hello as she handed a stack of papers to Lapis' waiting hands. She returned the greeting, and they left it at that. It became their routine each time the tall girl came in.

But then, the next semester, they had a class together. Art History. Lapis thought she was going to hate it, but Pearl looked as if she'd just been given a particularly well wrapped gift. Lapis would know, because she didn't know anyone in the class except Pearl. A distant acquaintance was indescribably better than a complete stranger. So she sat down next to her, and therefore had a front seat to exactly what Pearl looked like.

It also gave her access to someone who was more than eager to explain anything she didn't quite catch. She was a little long-winded, but didn't seem to mind trying different wordings to help Lapis to understand. It quickly became clear that she was a passionately intelligent individual.

Around the time that Lapis exchanged phone numbers with Pearl, she also reinserted herself into her old friends' lives. Peridot was first, and the one Lapis expected to be the hardest to deal with. She had quickly become Lapis' best friend, but had been left abruptly with very little warning or explanation. Lapis was ashamed of her irresponsibility, and of her cowardice. But Peridot, when she finished listening to Lapis stammer out apology after apology, forgave her without much fanfare.

It was with great force that she managed to murmur that she kind of missed Lapis. She seemed to be in the best spirits Lapis had ever seen her in.

Once she was back in with Peridot, everything else just sort of fell back into place. Jasper, who was living with Peridot by then, was far meeker than she'd been before. When they got past the awkward silence and stiff conversations phase, they opened up and talked about why they'd broken up, and came to a mutual agreement that it was for the best, in the end.

She was glad to have Jasper back in her life. She'd missed the energy the girl exuded. It was like a breath of fresh air, better appreciated in doses as she'd come to learn.

Pearl invited her over to study for midterms, letting her into a dorm room that was nearly identical to her own, yet so immaculately clean that she couldn't have mistaken it for anyone else's even so. They sat on Pearl's bed and the taller girl helped Lapis study through all of her classes, even though they only had the one together. She'd never done so well on midterms.

She would come to find out that she hadn't been too far off in thinking Pearl was suited to ballet. Though she had taken on the role of dorm supervisor, and did enjoy being a grease monkey on the side, she was in fact a dancer. She'd taken lessons her entire life. Lapis found out because she got an invitation to come to a musical the university was putting on. Pearl was playing a rather important character.

Lapis noticed that she flushed prettily when she handed the invitation over, her movements uncharacteristically graceless. When Lapis had enthusiastically agreed to go, Pearl's eyes had gone wide, then she'd scampered off in what seemed to be a nervous daze, but her giddy giggles could be heard down the hall as she disappeared.

It struck her as precarious, when she thought about it; She'd always had a sense for when a boy liked her. But she hadn't had a clue with Jasper, and she wasn't entirely sure about Pearl. Based on how the girl was acting, Lapis would assume so, which made her heart race a little bit. But part of her was too scared to assume. For all she knew, Pearl might just be excited to have a friend going at all. Maybe she usually didn't.

To be entirely honest, Lapis didn't know much about romancing girls. At home, it was frowned upon for girls to be _too_ close. When she'd first started living with Peridot, she'd been appalled the first few times the other girl had begun stripping in front of her, or opened her bedroom door without a shirt on. One time she reached out without warning and lifted the hem of Lapis' skirt, then reached under to pull off a sticker that had somehow attached itself high on the back of Lapis' thigh.

These sorts of things just weren't done where Lapis came from. It wasn't normal to walk around in your underwear, or grab another girl's boobs to check out her bra, or to tug her skirt down on her hips so that it fit more flatteringly. Girls just… Talked. Sometimes they had sleepovers, and would sit hip-to-hip to watch a movie. Sometimes they'd do each other's makeup.

Girls at home wouldn't have asked her specifically to come see them in a play. They might issue a general invitation to all of their friends. But it would be weird if they singled her out and invited her personally.

But Pearl might not think that way. Peridot asked her to do things with her all the time. She'd asked her to attend an awards ceremony for technically superb students, where she was celebrated for the program she'd been working on ceaselessly over the past year. That was sort of similar, and had been entirely platonic.

Why were girls so hard to understand?

She tried to get Jasper and Peridot to come with her, but they (adamantly) refused, so she wound up alone. But she decided that maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. It seemed more intimate, she supposed. Luckily, it was pretty easy to find a seat near the front when you were by yourself.

After asking a young boy if he was saving the seat for anyone, she sat down next to him two rows back, towards the middle. It was a perfect view; she was going to be able to see Pearl's entire performance with ease. She heard crinkling, and noticed that the boy held a bouquet of flowers, similar to the one she had resting on her lap. She smiled to herself, wondering who he had come to congratulate.

Pearl was cutely overdramatic. She wouldn't be going to Hollywood anytime soon, but her theatrics were appreciated by the gathered crowd. Lapis could tell she wasn't in it to act, though, but to dance. That's when she truly shone. Her singing was a little grating at some points, but no one even noticed because her dancing was hypnotic. She moved with such effortless grace, it was impossible to look away.

When the show had finished, they began the curtain call. Lapis was glad she wasn't the only on clapping for Pearl. In fact, the boy next to her cried her name out loudly, bouncing up and down in his seat before apparently losing his patience and scrambling down the aisle until he was before the stage. Pearl had to stoop down to accept the flowers, but she looked like she was about to cry as she scurried backstage.

Lapis watched the interaction, the flowers clutched in her hands feeling a little silly now. She looked across the row of seats as the boy returned, greeted by two other women. They must know Pearl, somehow.

Did they know her better than Lapis? How did they know her in the first place? Whose flowers would Pearl be happier to receive?

She hated herself for thinking that way. And she hated that she let herself assume even though she'd told herself not to. Girls were different, and it seemed she needed to learn that. It was clear that Pearl hadn't invited her specifically for any reason. She must have just invited all of her friends.

A few minutes after the lights in the house had gone up and most of the audience had filtered out, the cast began emerging from a door that led offstage. Pearl still had her stage makeup on, but she'd thrown on a dress with a cardigan in place of her costume. Lapis could see her looking around, but was too scared to wave for fear that she wasn't who Pearl was looking for.

Eventually, though, Pearl spotted her, and she smiled, using her long legs to her advantage as she picked her way over through the lingering crowd. Too soon, she was before Lapis, eye shadow heavy and lips a brilliant pink.

Lapis thought she looked beautiful.

"Oh, um, these are for you." She offered bashfully, holding out the bouquet. Pearl smiled, accepting it.

"You got me flowers too?" She laughed. "It was just a college musical. But thank you. I love pink roses." She added, sniffing them thoughtfully.

Lapis' arm crossed over her chest to grip at the other one, unsure how to proceed. She wished Pearl would give her a hint about where they stood.

"Thank you for coming, as well. It means a lot to me, Lapis." Pearl assured, smiling softly.

It was then that the boy from earlier leapt upon her back unceremoniously, laughing doofily and causing Pearl to stumble a bit. She was grinning, though, which was a contrary reaction to what Lapis had expected, considering what she'd seen of Pearl thus far.

"And thank you, too, Steven. The flowers are lovely." She said to the boy who still clung to her back.

"I picked them myself!" He shouted proudly. Pearl smiled fondly, her expression softer than Lapis had ever seen.

"Did you?" She prompted, earning an eager nod.

"Yeah, at the grocery store!" He clarified. Pearl blinked.

"Oh…" Was all she managed, voice suddenly strained.

She turned back to Lapis at that point, hitching the boy up a bit higher on her hips, looping her arms under his chubby legs.

"Sorry, Lapis. This is Steven. He's… Um, family is a good word for it, I suppose. I'm not really his mom, but I'm more than a sister… Well, anyway, he's important to me." She explained.

Lapis glanced at the boy, and his face lit up in an instant, a grin spreading across his face with sparkle to rival the stars. He hopped off Pearl's back and ran the few feet to where Lapis was standing, offering a pudgy hand.

"Steven Universe, pleasure to meetcha, ms…" He trailed, a brow quirked.

Lapis found herself at once swept up in this strange boy. She couldn't place it, but he touched a part of her heart she hadn't known about. Maybe she was finally getting some maternal instinct, or something, but she wanted nothing more than to keep a grin on the boy's face.

"Lazuli." She replied coolly. "Lapis Lazuli."

Steven's eyes got wide, then he giggled, grabbing her hand and pulling her a little closer.

"And this is Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. …Except you already know Pearl." He realized, eyes downcast as he processed it. His grin was back in an instant. "They're kind of my moms." He added.

The other two that he gestured to were the women from before. Well, one of them looked like a woman. She was incredibly tall, and had a flawlessly curvy figure. With a cool confidence that rivaled Jasper's boisterous charisma, she came off as powerful.

The other one seemed younger, maybe more around Lapis' age. She was much shorter, closer in height to Steven than anyone else present, though her attitude and features would suggest that she was at least in high school.

Both greeted her fleetingly, though they stared with interest. Pearl's cheeks were red again, even through the makeup. She sidestepped to put herself between them, clearing her throat.

"Yes, as Steven has established, this is Lapis, the girl I said I was inviting. Lapis, this is my family. We're a little… Patchwork, to put it kindly. But we get by." She said, making a sweeping gesture in the general direction of the three in question.

Lapis must have seemed rude, for all she could do was stare. Even when they invited her to join them for a late dinner to celebrate a wonderful opening night, and even when they'd been led to a booth. She supposed she was looking for anything to belie any kind of feasible relation between any of the four people amassed around her, yet she could find none. Their skintones ranged from porcelain white in Pearl's case to a deep mahogany in Garnet's. Their hair was different in color and texture. They had no common features.

Their family was literally held together with a simple need to be together. They all just genuinely loved each other enough to take care of each other unconditionally.

Lapis wished she could say the same thing about her family, to which she was related by blood.

They made her feel welcome, though, after their staring and probing questions failed to scare her off. Garnet even managed a tiny smile for her as she placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder on her way out of the restaurant.

They all walked to the station where Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst got on a train that would take them back to the family car, then they'd drive home. Lapis stood with Pearl as she waved to an enthusiastic Steven as the train pulled away from the platform. When it disappeared, they turned and headed back to the dorms, silently deciding to walk instead of taking the subway like any normal person would do.

A few minutes after they'd left the station, Pearl's fingers curled round Lapis' with little warning. Lapis looked over, smiling to herself when she saw how pointedly Pearl was looking away, her cheeks so red that not even clown makeup had a chance at covering the flush. Lapis squeezed her fingers, but didn't mention it, just letting their hands swing gently to the pace they were walking.

Pearl told her about her family. She recounted the tale of a kind woman that had a tendency to acquire children that needed her. She'd collected Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst all this way; Pearl was a distant relative that had sought refuge when her parents divorced. Even after it was all settled, though, she couldn't bring herself to leave Rose, who had shown her more love in a year than either of her parents had shown her all her life.

Garnet's birth parents had died in an accident. She was then passed through two foster homes, one of which had been abusive. By the time someone reported it, she was into her teenage years, and it became significantly harder to find a family willing to take her. Rose heard about her case from a friend of hers, and the next thing she knew, she'd acquired another teenager to look after.

Amethyst had been left on a stoop on a busy city street. She was adopted pretty quickly, but once she got to grade school age, the couple that had taken her in started feeling overwhelmed. She wound up stuck in the system for a long time, floating from house to house, family to family, and shelter to shelter. One day she ran away, and she wound up at Rose's door crying and hungry.

"It was hard sometimes." Pearl admitted softly. "But we made it work. Rose made it work. She was so… So full of love, Lapis. She just genuinely couldn't help but love every creature. She'd chat plants up for hours, watering them lovingly, as if they were her own children." She said, a small smile gracing her lips.

"She made all of us feel special. Like we were everything. Rose made us into more of a family than any of us had ever known."

Lapis stepped a little closer, so that the space between them was just a bit larger than their hands still clasped together. Pearl didn't mention it, but she did shift their hands so she could lace her fingers through Lapis'.

" _Was_?" Lapis prompted, watching the smile melt off of Pearl's face in an instant. The taller girl's eyes went glassy in a matter of seconds, brows drawn and shoulders stooped.

"Yes. Eventually, she met the love of her life, one Greg Universe. While it initially caused some familial turmoil, watching Rose in love was both fascinating and endearing. We got used to him after a while, of course. And then one day, entirely out of the blue, Rose announced that she was pregnant."

Lapis' eyes went wide, but Pearl was smiling again, so she let herself smile as well.

"You should have seen her. People say you glow when you're pregnant, but Rose was positively shining! She was so excited to have a child, to share him with us. The doctor told her it was a girl, but Rose always said 'him.'" She recalled, her expression lingering on the fond smile, but it eventually sobered.

"She started having complications several months in. She was in and out of the hospital regularly up until she went into labor. Through it all, they warned her that it was highly likely to be fatal for her. No matter how we begged her, she couldn't be swayed. She died giving birth to Steven." She concluded.

Lapis' mouth felt dry, and her eyes felt wet. She hadn't even known this woman, but she already liked her just from Pearl's recounting of their history. It was impossible to imagine how Pearl must have felt, how she probably still felt.

Lapis didn't know what comfort she could provide, unsure of boundaries and scared to test them. She resolved to just stay as she was, giving Pearl's hand a nearly unnoticeable squeeze. Unobtrusive, but still there.

"…We've been taking care of Steven since. Rose bought a house, which was left to us. Garnet works to pay for everything else. I'm in school, and working to pay my tuition, but I live with them when I'm not in the dorms. Amethyst is graduating high school this year. Greg helps us out when he can. And that's… That's us." She finished.

Lapis didn't know what to say. She didn't want to try to undermine Pearl's tale of hardship with her own. And she knew that Pearl had her beat, anyway. It probably wouldn't make her feel better anyway.

So they just walked, nearing the dorms with each step. Pearl's room was on the ground floor, while Lapis' was on the third, so they had to part at her door. Pearl lingered, seemingly unsure of if she was ready to let their hands separate.

For a moment, Lapis wondered if she ought to kiss Pearl. As they stood staring at each other, it felt as if there was a gravity between them. But she quickly dismissed the idea, drawing Pearl into an embrace before smiling and bidding her goodnight.

She realized, as she lay awake in bed, that she had a lot of thinking to do. She needed to really step back and look at the situation objectively. Things were moving fast; she knew next to nothing about Pearl. How could she claim to have feelings for someone she didn't know? No matter how much she might want to kiss her, which was a lot, chances were that she was just starting to feel lonely after spending so much time alone.

But rushing into relationships had proved fruitless thus far. And beyond that, she didn't even know how Pearl felt. It wasn't fair to assume things without talking to her.

When she finally came to the conclusion that she would get to know Pearl better before making any decisions, her eyes stung from battling to stay open despite her wishes. With her inner turmoil soothed, at least for the time being, she managed to find sleep at last.

The next day she began her quest to know more about Pearl. They agreed to go get coffee together, for once unbidden by the daunting task of studying. She asked Pearl about her job, which turned out to be two jobs plus her position as dorm supervisor.

"Being a dorm supervisor gets me a discount on my room, and all I really have to do is fix things when they break or find someone who can, and iron out any little issues residents have. It's very easy. My main job is in a call center, but I also work a few hours at a mechanic's shop." She explained, voice casual despite Lapis' look of awe.

"How do you manage that?" She wondered, eyes wide. "One job is hard on me, I can't even imagine three… And you do theatre!" She recalled, taking a dejected sip of coffee. Pearl smiled, patting her hand reassuringly.

"I'm the sort of person that has to be busy all the time." She offered, as if that might be comforting.

"I feel lazy now." Lapis pouted. Pearl just chuckled.

"You work hard, too. 40 hours is a lot, Lapis. And you shouldn't take on more than you can handle, especially if you don't need to."

She digested that, unable to argue, because she knew the other girl was right. Working for the university earned her a decent tuition discount, so she definitely wasn't struggling to make ends meet. But Pearl had to worry for herself _and_ her family. She had more to care about.

When they finished with coffee, Pearl had to get going to the office job, but she paused a moment to set up a time to meet again the day after the next, much to Lapis' glee.

That day, they left from Art History together and walked to a nearby park, traipsing around the path a few times while playing twenty questions. Lapis learned that Pearl's favorite color was aquamarine, and that her favorite time of day was dawn. She drank coffee more than she ate food, though she did love baked goods, and loved baking them even more.

She also learned that Pearl had a subconscious need for closeness. While the girl came off as the sort of person that had strict personal space rules, once she'd become comfortable around a person, she had a tendency to sort of gravitate towards them. More than once she had to apologize for accidentally bumping into Lapis. When they eventually sat down in the grass next to a small pond, she sat close enough that their thighs pressed together. As they spoke, she'd occasionally reach out to touch Lapis' arm, sometimes holding on for a moment when she got particularly excited.

Once they'd been talking for a while, her hand darted out to borrow Lapis' for the remainder of their time together at the park. And when the sun started to dip below the horizon, her head came to rest against Lapis' shoulder. Her cheeks never did return to her normal pallor, and Lapis' heart never did find its normal pace until several minutes after they'd parted ways.

When spring break came around, Pearl invited Lapis to go home with her, knowing the girl had no intentions of returning to her own hometown. Lapis quickly agreed, glad for an excuse to not bum around the dorms over the break like she usually did.

Steven wouldn't stop grinning, squeezed into the middle between Lapis and Pearl. He'd hugged Lapis in greeting just as hard as he had Pearl, and that made her heart a little warm, for some indiscernible reason. Maybe he was growing on her.

The drive from the station wasn't too long, and Steven kept it from getting awkward by talking a mile a minute about everything and nothing in particular. Lapis lost track along the way, but she did her best to keep up and reply when he looked at her with expectantly starry eyes.

Garnet unlocked the door when they arrived, letting everyone in before picking up a protesting Steven and transferring him to his bedroom, announcing that it was bedtime despite his claim that he wasn't tired. When that didn't work, he pouted about wanting to talk to Lapis.

"She'll be here tomorrow, Steven." Pearl promised, pressing a kiss to his forehead before Garnet toted him off. They could hear him trying to talk Garnet into an extra hour all the way up the stairs. He apparently lost that battle, though, for Garnet returned unaccompanied about ten minutes later.

Pearl smiled, nodding towards the stairs that took them up to a hallway that led into the bowels of the house, pointing out each room they passed until they got to her room, which was at the very back. Her window looked out onto the beach, and Lapis couldn't help but rush to look out, sighing with a smile at the view.

Pearl walked over as well, hopping up on the window seat and patting the mattress, indicating for Lapis to join her. It was a squeeze, but they managed to fit with their legs tangled between them.

"This place is amazing." Lapis breathed, glancing at Pearl for a shy moment before her eyes darted back to the ocean.

"Yes," Pearl agreed. "I think so too. It seemed a bit… Odd to live in a beach house permanently, but as soon as Rose saw the place, she had to have it. And once we grew accustomed to it, we all came to love it." She elaborated, smiling.

"I wish I'd grown up near the ocean. All we had in my hometown was a river, and there are only a few spots that are safe to swim in. It was always hard on me. I really love swimming, but public pools are kind of uncomfortable for me. So not having a place to go was kind of a big deal for me. Water is where I do my thinking."

Pearl nodded in understanding, settling back into the seat.

"This must be a nice change for you, then." She guessed. Lapis smiled, shifting her position to slouch a bit, getting comfortable.

"Definitely. I don't know how I survived as long as I did so far from the ocean." She admitted, alternating between watching the way the dark waves smoothed over the wet sand and watching Pearl's face. Even at night, the sea was entrancing, but then, so was Pearl.

They talked a bit longer before deciding to call it a night. Lapis excused herself to the living room, where she'd abandoned her bags, and sifted through till she found some pyjamas. She changed in the bathroom, then returned to the living room, sitting on the couch awkwardly. She hadn't been left any pillows or blankets, but she didn't want to bother anyone about it. She could last one night without the comforts of home.

She shut off the lights, then laid out, feeling awkward without anything covering her, but she did her best to get comfortable. She hadn't even managed to start dozing before a light came on in the hallway, and then Pearl poked her head into the living room, brows furrowed.

"Lapis?" She called, squinting to see into the dim room.

"Um, yeah?" Lapis replied, sitting up.

"What are you doing?" Was the next question, and Lapis blinked. Pearl blinked back at her.

"…Sleeping?" She offered, definitely more of question than an answer. They stared off again.

"Oh. Well, we had anticipated that you would just sleep in my room…" She trailed, her uncertainty obvious in the tone of her voice.

Lapis had to take a moment to process that, then she flushed.

"Oh, I didn't… Sorry!" She said, getting to her feet and joining Pearl in the hallway, looking down bashfully. "Sorry. I just-"

"It's fine, Lapis. Would you rather sleep on the couch?" She asked. Lapis shook her head quickly, stepping a bit closer.

"No."

Pearl led her back, and after lingering awkwardly next to the bed, she pulled the covers up, sliding in and then holding the corner up. Lapis scrambled to get in, and they both got comfortable. It had always been hard to fall asleep in an unfamiliar bed for the first time, and the fact that Pearl was barely a foot away was doing nothing to help Lapis to find dreams.

She tossed and turned for a good fifteen minutes, before Pearl sighed.

"Is there anything I can do to help you get to sleep?" She asked softly, startling Lapis who'd thought she was asleep. She had to stop and wonder if there was anything Pearl could do. Would a story help? A song? Well, she had an idea, but…

Pushing the blankets around so she could move, she scooted closer until she could feel the warmth Pearl was leaking into the comforter. She kept going, though, till she could feel around for Pearl's shoulder, which went stiff as she laid her head on the girl's chest.

They were silent for a drawn out moment, then Lapis glanced up, a fruitless effort in the dark of the bedroom.

"Is this okay?" She asked.

Pearl responded by hesitantly letting her hand rest in the dip of Lapis' waist and letting her tense muscles relax. Lapis sighed, fisting her fingers in the loose fabric of Pearl's nightgown. It didn't take her long to fall asleep.

She woke up to Pearl's voice, but not the way she expected it. It sounded sort of far away. Like, in the other room. And, sure enough, when she willed her eyes open, she found she was snuggling with a pillow instead of a Pearl. The girl's voice was coming from the other side of the door.

"-ke her up, Steven! That would be rude! It's the first day of break. Let her sleep in." Lapis realized they must be talking about her, and sat up in bed, stretching her arms while a yawn surged forth.

"Aww, but we made together breakfast!" He argued. Lapis' stomach growled as if it knew what he was talking about.

"And she can have some when she wakes up." Pearl reasoned. She was probably about to lecture Steven or something, but she didn't get the chance, as Lapis opened the door with a grin.

"Now would be nice, actually." She announced, chuckling at the face Pearl was making when she spun around to face her.

"Oh, Lapis!" She yelped, cheeks flaring with color. "Good morning! I didn't realize you were awake."

"Yeah, a pillow just isn't the same." Lapis offered, knowing that the statement was cryptic enough that Steven wouldn't understand, but knowing that Pearl definitely would. And, sure enough, her blush got darker at the mere mention, and she began stuttering so much that she was unintelligible.

She laughed, and Steven eventually surmised that Pearl was out of commission for a moment, and turned instead to Lapis. She gave him a grin, patting his curls softly.

"What's for breakfast?" She wondered.

"Together breakfast!" He shouted in response, face expectant. Lapis could only stare.

"…Uh, okay, what does that consist of?" She tried.

Pearl seemed to get her wits about her again, and she cleared her throat.

"Together breakfast is something of a family tradition. There's a long story that I don't care to recount at the moment, but it involves waffles, syrup, popcorn, whipped cream, and a strawberry. The strawberry is Steven's though."

Steven grinned at her winningly, but Lapis' lips pursed into a frown.

"Oh, that's too bad. I love strawberries." She shared, shrugging it off a moment later. How was she to know that two pairs of ears had been listening to her keenly?

They all walked into the kitchen and dining area, where they found Garnet and Amethyst sitting at the table. Well, Garnet was sitting, waiting patiently. Amethyst had fallen asleep and, if Lapis was seeing correctly, had produced a small puddle of drool on the table. The girl snapped awake as Steven joyfully announced their arrival, at which point she began staring at the enormous pile of waffles, rushing everyone to settle so she could eat.

Garnet calmly portioned the food out, pointedly serving Amethyst last since she seemed least likely to restrain herself until everyone had their plate. Lapis noticed that no one questioned it when Garnet gave the part with the strawberry to Steven.

There was a pause once they all had a plate, then Steven commanded everyone to dig in. Lapis was a bit hesitant, mostly because of the popcorn, but everyone else seemed to be stomaching it well enough, so she ventured to try a bite too, and was surprised to find her plate all but empty in no time.

She had just finished her last bite when she felt a timid tap on her shoulder. She expected it was probably one of Pearl's random physical contact moments, but remembered that Pearl was on her other side. Turning her head, she saw a shy and uncertain Steven Universe staring back at her. He gave no explanation, but plopped the strawberry onto her plate, looking immediately remorseful but also resolved.

Lapis considered the gesture a long time before picking up her silverware, cutting the strawberry in half down the middle, and forking half of it back onto Steven's plate, sticky with syrup.

"Thank you." She added, smiling as she ate her half. Steven grinned back, copying her actions.

After Pearl and her family did god knows what all day while Lapis caught up on sleep she'd desperately needed, the taller girl finally sought Lapis out where she was sitting in the window seat, and asked if she'd like to go down to the beach. Lapis was up in half a second, already fishing her swimsuit out of one of her bags.

Pearl's swimsuit suited her. It was a light blue color, and tapered off into a skirt at the bottom. It went well with the girl's complexion. Lapis' bikini was the same one she'd had since high school, a simple dark blue, but it was still functional. And Pearl let her borrow a billowy cover-up dress, which made her feel a little bit pretty. She liked the way it swept around her in the breeze, and loved the way it got tangled around Pearl's legs too.

The sun was getting close to the horizon when they finally made it out, and Lapis sighed happily at the view, quickly padding towards the water and walking in till it was halfway up her shins, water creeping its way up the transparent fabric of the cover up from the bottom where the waves had soaked it.

Pearl caught up a few seconds later, joining Lapis silently. It was with a wordless serenity that their hands met between them and they began to walk along the line of the water, as far in one direction as they could go without losing their way.

They talked about going into town the next day so Lapis could get a tour. Pearl listed the places they'd need to visit for her to get the full experience, and Lapis smiled because she liked to listen to Pearl talk. The unique lilt she had was pleasant to hear. And when they got back, Pearl bashfully presented her with a whole bowl of strawberries that they shared on her bed, talking late into the night before falling asleep pressed together again.

Pearl hadn't escaped that morning, and Lapis woke with her face pressed into the other girl's stomach. She looked up to find Pearl reading, a pair of reading glasses perched on her nose. Lapis smiled, yawning.

"You look cute with glasses." She observed.

Pearl squawked in embarrassment for about half an hour, and Lapis managed to get dressed, steal one of Pearl's shirts, and convince the flustered girl to borrow one of her flowy skirts by the time Pearl had calmed down.

After she'd picked it up between her fingers and spun in it, Pearl seemed pleased enough with her new wardrobe. Lapis kept it to herself that Pearl was positively radiant when she laughed and danced around like that. She knew Pearl would tense back up if she mentioned it, and she rather liked the way she was acting now. It felt more natural.

They made the short trip to the boardwalk, which according to Pearl was the main part of town, and Pearl showed Lapis where important events had happened, and shops that she frequented. Along the way, several people greeted the taller girl warmly, inquiring after when her graduation was and asking how she was doing.

A few of them asked who Lapis was, and Pearl would introduce her as a friend from school. No one said anything, but they'd all quirk a brow that seemed to say that Pearl wasn't fooling them. It probably had something to do with the fact that, no matter where they went or who they were talking to, Pearl wouldn't let go of Lapis' hand.

The thing that was strange to Lapis was that, despite the fact that they all obviously thought she and Pearl were dating, none of them treated Pearl any differently than when they greeted her. They'd offer her a big grin as they patted her on the shoulder or waved, and then they'd be on their way.

In Lapis' town, if she were holding hands with a girl while walking through the shops in town, people would be sending her nasty looks from every direction. People would cover their children's eyes, walk quickly in the other direction while glaring at her like she'd brought a disease with her instead of a friend.

She'd always heard that, if you moved around the country, you'd find that people in different areas thought very differently. But she couldn't have guessed that just a few bus transfers away from her hometown would be a place so radically different. It was like a brand new world.

It sort of brought a smile to her face, and she laced her fingers with Pearl's, swinging their arms a little bit. Pearl glanced down at the change, but didn't comment.

When they'd exhausted themselves at the boardwalk, Pearl led them to a secluded lookout that offered a beautiful view, but was a well-kept secret between the locals, so not many people frequented it. They had the entire place to themselves, and wound up sitting on the edge, legs dangling off and arms looped over the bars of the railing just in case.

Lapis had been about to ask Pearl some personal question or another, still trying to stick to her plan of getting to know Pearl before she decided if she really did like her. It was getting harder, though, the more she got to know her, to convince herself that she didn't.

But Pearl beat her to it this time, asking her about her family.

She realized that it was only fair to tell Pearl, since the girl had been so open with her. She didn't want to talk about it, but she wanted to be closer to Pearl. So she told her. She explained why she'd left, and how she felt about it now. She told Pearl how truly different things were, how her mother had deemed Peridot gay just because she was willing to live with another woman, and had been seen, therefore, as dangerous to Lapis' wellbeing.

The story continued all the way up until she met Pearl. She told her about Peridot, and Jasper, and about the way Jasper had made her feel and the reason that she'd broken up with her so abruptly. She even began explaining the way Pearl made her feel, though she felt at a loss for words. Nothing quite seemed to sum it up properly.

She'd been out to find someone that couldn't dominate her the way her previous relationships had. Someone who didn't have the will to keep her tied down. At the beginning, she'd wanted to be the one in control, the one who tethered someone to the ground for a change.

That's not how Pearl made her feel. Pearl made her feel like she was floating. Hands clasped together, they just sort of levitated together, skirts billowing around them in a cool breeze, ocean spray misting them as they just sort of resonated together. It was an amazing feeling that she looked forward to anytime she was going to spend time with the other girl.

Pearl accepted her silence as her conclusion, and Lapis hadn't even managed to say anything. Even as she visualized the feeling in her mind, she knew she couldn't verbalize it properly. So she didn't bother, and Pearl seemed to understand that the silence meant more than Lapis' words ever could.

They walked back towards the house in silence, and Lapis thought over what she'd said. Talking about home again had made her sort of solemn, but she tried to let Pearl's presence keep her from delving too far in. She wanted to spend time with Pearl, not reflect on her life up until meeting her.

The girl distracted her well enough, though, by taking a wrong turn and leading Lapis to a wild strawberry field, smiling before gently swinging Lapis into a dancing stance. She didn't give her time to think, beginning the steps, leading until she got Lapis to join her, then switching quickly and letting Lapis learn the dance backwards for the first time.

After a while, though, she got bored with the box step, and tugged Pearl right out of her comfort zone and into a whirling dance full of spinning, twirling, and circling around each other, hands kept twined at all times and feet dancing carefully around each other. It felt better; There was no lead, just carefully placed feet and swirling skirts, and a lot of giggling.

When they did finally return home, Steven and Amethyst had already gone to bed. Garnet was watching television in the living room, the volume low. She nodded at them as they entered, informing them that they each had a plate of dinner wrapped up in the fridge if they were hungry. By the time they'd finished eating, she had turned the television off and turned in for the day as well.

After getting some pyjamas, they decided to have a movie night, and set up camp on the pullout in the living room instead of on Pearl's bed. Pearl liked romantic action movies, oddly enough, and Lapis liked watching Pearl when she was engrossed in something, so it wound up working out. They only managed to get through a movie and a half before they both passed out, but she didn't mind.

The evening before they had to go back to the university, they went out to the beach one last time. The sky was in the transition between bright pinks and lilac purples, with just a little bit of blue left. It reminded Lapis of Pearl. They had been pacing along the shore, the waves lapping softly at their ankles as they walked leisurely.

Lapis had loved staying with Pearl's family. It had been a little awkward at first, but they'd quickly accepted her into the fold, treating her as they did each other. It was refreshing to feel like a family again.

She was going to miss the beach house, but at least she got to take Pearl back with her. She wondered what it was going to be like when they got back. She felt like they were so much closer, but would that continue when they returned to the dorms?

She certainly hoped so. She liked spending time with Pearl. She liked holding her hand while they walked, and waking up with her arms looped around the girl's wiry frame. She liked watching Pearl's face get red any time she received a compliment, and loved the way she'd hop and spin around in Lapis' dresses when she didn't think Lapis would catch her.

It was starting to dawn on her that she was in far too deep. There was no question in her mind; She liked Pearl. But now she was left to wonder how to breech the topic with her. It felt like Pearl shared her feelings, but how could she bring it up?

Lapis had never been one for subtlety. Her mind was racing, and the sounds of the ocean made her thoughts feel a little jumbled, and the sunset kept getting closer and closer to the same color as Pearl's hair, and she was kissing her.

She hadn't even realized what she was doing. It had been a thoughtless impulse, but she couldn't exactly take it back now that her lips were pressed against Pearl's. The girl's eyes were wide and so blue, and Lapis pulled back with a start, her arms quickly coming to hug her torso protectively.

"Pearl, I'm so sorry." She breathed, head hung but eyes just as wide as Pearl's had been. Why had she done that? That definitely wasn't the best way to explain her feelings. She was sure Pearl would be freaked out, because that would freak anyone out.

"…Please, don't be sorry." Pearl said, voice small. She sounded almost… Sad. Lapis glanced at. Yep. She was sad. Her brows were knit, and her bottom lip had been sucked between her teeth. She noticed Lapis' curious stare, and sighed. "I just… I don't want the first thing you feel after kissing me to be regret."

Lapis' heart skipped a few beats, and then she was kissing Pearl against the sand, getting it in their hair and not caring. Pearl tentatively wrapped her arms around Lapis' middle, and it was dark before they managed to extract themselves from each other long enough to go back inside.

And even though she was sad that she wouldn't be seeing Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven for a while, she fell asleep with an airy giddiness, knowing it wouldn't be the last time she got to shyly kiss Pearl goodnight and snuggle against her chest until morning.

Steven waved them off with teary eyes at the station, hugging them both several times before Garnet pulled him away, hoisting him over her shoulder. Amethyst had punched them both in the shoulder as a goodbye, and Garnet kissed Pearl's forehead, smiling and ruffling Lapis' hair before sending them off. She tilted her sunglasses down long enough to shoot Lapis a wink before the train disappeared, and the three on the platform zoomed by, giving way to rapidly changing scenery.

Their fingers remained laced between them on the seat, Pearl flipping through a book with one hand and Lapis staring out of the window.

She knew they'd have to talk about what exactly they were, but in that moment, she was content just to share the space with the other girl, the silence comfortable. A train wasn't the place to hash out the details of their relationship, anyway.

When they got off at the station, Peridot and Jasper were waiting in a nearby parking lot. Lapis had asked Jasper to pick them up, since they had luggage, and it had been miserable walking from the dorm to the station the first time. She greeted her friends happily, introducing Pearl before loading the trunk and getting into the backseat.

Pearl seemed on edge, which was fair; She'd never met either girl properly, and had heard the tale of Lapis' time with Jasper. Lapis hoped that she'd communicated well enough that they were on good terms now, but regardless, Pearl didn't seemed impressed.

Jasper, of course, was entirely unaffected. She chatted about what she and Peridot had done over the break, which involved a lot more partying than Lapis and Pearl had been doing. Peridot would occasionally interrupt to correct Jasper or add details, but Lapis noticed that Jasper didn't seem to mind. It was strange, because Jasper used to get pretty ticked off if Lapis interrupted her while she was talking about something.

When she called Peridot to catch up the next evening, the blonde awkwardly admitted that she and Jasper had started dating. And a lot of things started to make sense.

Peridot had been kind of moody while Lapis was dating Jasper. While she never refused to help Lapis get ready for dates, and had never done anything cruel, Lapis realized that she'd been sort of irritable about it.

She felt stupid, and incredibly oblivious. _Of course_ Peridot liked Jasper. That was why she had invited her to hang out for Lapis' little congratulatory party so long ago; She'd used it as an excuse to hang out with her. She had even told Lapis about it. Jasper was the crush she'd mentioned.

That had completely backfired on her, it would seem, and Lapis had been entirely unaware of how much she was hurting her friend's feelings. She betrayed her friend unknowingly because she couldn't be bothered to listen to her talk. It changed the way she treated Peridot, permanently.

But Peridot dismissed her apologies, claiming it was in the past and that she wasn't mad about it. She admitted to being a little bitter at first, but she realized that Lapis hadn't known, and it wasn't as if she had any right to decide who Jasper could date, anyway.

It was pretty cute, listening to her ramble about the girl, trying to sound logical and unemotional, but Lapis could tell how truly excited she was. And from the sounds of it, they had a much better dynamic than she'd ever had with Jasper.

In return for Peridot's honesty, Lapis told the other girl about Pearl. And while Peridot had initially been a bit wary of Pearl, she quickly switched to being supportive after Lapis recounted what had happened so far. She also urged Lapis to talk to her as soon as possible, warning that if she didn't, it was going to get very awkward very fast.

It took her another day, but she did eventually work up the nerve to wander to Pearl's room, smiling sheepishly when the girl answered her door.

"Hey." She greeted. Pearl looked surprised to see her, but quickly stepped aside to let her in.

"Hello, Lapis." She returned, closing the door behind them. She lingered for a moment, then went to sit on her bed. Lapis followed after a moment, heart sinking. It was already feeling awkward.

"So, I, um..." She began, pursing her lips and thinking about what she needed to say. "I wanted to talk to you."

Pearl managed a small smile and an encouraging nod.

"I think we need to talk about… Us?" She tried. Pearl sighed.

"I think so too." The other girl agreed. Lapis didn't like the way it sounded, but tried not to get too scared before they'd even really said anything. She could just be imagining the strained, tired quality of Pearl's voice. She really hoped she was just exhausted from studying, and not from thinking about where she and Lapis were going.

"So, um... Where do we stand?" Lapis asked, watching Pearl's face for any change of expression. But she remained neutral.

"Well, Lapis, we stand wherever you want us to." Pearl said simply. Well, it sounded simple, but felt cryptic. Wherever she wanted? What did she want? She almost felt like she didn't know anymore. But she supposed being honest was probably the best thing she could do in that moment.

"I… I really like you." She admitted. "You make my head spin, sometimes. In a good way. And I… I really like spending time with you, and holding your hand, and kissing you. Do you-" She took a breath. "Do you like it too?" She asked, looking up at the other girl.

Pearl smiled widely, her eyes closing as if she had little control over it.

"Yes, I do." She replied quickly, honestly. It made Lapis' chest warm.

"That's… Good." She decided, folding her hands awkwardly in her lap. "So does that mean… I mean, should we… Date? Are we going out?"

Pearl took one of her hands, lacing their fingers before dropping them to the mattress. She did this at the same time that she leaned over and kissed Lapis' cheek softly. It made Lapis blush brilliantly, but she was in no way displeased.

"I'd like that." She agreed.

Lapis was sort of freaking out too much to remember the next few hours. They went by in a blur of cuddling and kissing and trying to force themselves to be productive because they'd both started classes back up and should probably be doing homework, but spooning was a lot more interesting, they discovered.

For as awkward and messy as getting together had been, they quickly became a strong couple. The most they'd argued about was Lapis accidentally rearranging Pearl's bath soaps, which had only been a big deal for about twelve hours, at which point they both admitted to just being stressed out and decided to spend some time away from each other to recoup. Once finals were over, they were significantly less angry at one another, and had in fact begun to miss spending time together.

It was just in time for summer break, thankfully. If they'd been fighting when school ended, Lapis would have had to scramble to find living arrangements, since she'd opted out of staying at the dorms over the summer.

Instead, she was going to be staying at the beach house, with Pearl. She was looking forward to seeing everyone again, and looking forward to not having to tuck her tail between her legs and scamper to her parents' home. It had crossed her mind a couple times, as a last resort, but she hoped to never have to rely on it.

They slept through most of the train ride, heads bowed together until their stop was announced and they jolted awake, groggily gathering their things as the train pulled into the station. They hadn't even made it entirely out of the doors before they could hear Steven laughing and shouting. No matter how tired they were, they both found a smile as Steven launched himself in their general direction, trusting them to catch him.

He wound up pressed between them, giggling happily as he tried to twist around to give both girls proper hugs. He was eager to introduce them to a new friend of his, whom he talked about all the way back to the house. He looked as though he had plans to keep talking, but Amethyst distracted him with an ice cream eating contest, which bought the two some time to take their bags to Pearl's room and get settled in.

Lapis sighed happily when she finally sunk into the mattress of the window seat, opening the window to let the sea breeze in. In no time at all, Pearl was pushing aside the billowing, sheer curtains to find a spot for herself.

They shifted around for a while, but eventually Lapis got up long enough to position herself between Pearl's legs, leaning back till she could rest against the taller girl's chest. She could sense the sweet hesitance with which Pearl wound her thin arms around her waist, and she craned her neck so she could kiss the girl's jaw.

It was about an hour before a rather queasy looking Steven knocked on the door, tentatively climbing up to sit on Lapis' lap. He tried his best to keep the quiet, but his talkative nature won out and he started asking them about how the rest of the semester had gone, and what living on campus was like.

She didn't know exactly what Steven thought of them. He hadn't even batted a lash at seeing them together, though their position obviously belied intimacy beyond friendship. But she appreciated that, no matter what he thought, he didn't say anything.

Watching him fall asleep was funny. He fought with everything he had to stay awake and keep talking, but before too long, he was snoring against Lapis' arm. Pearl somehow managed to slip out from behind her and picked him up, leaning over to give Lapis a kiss before disappearing down the hall to put him to bed.

It took some time before the girl returned, and she looked a little flustered when she did.

"Did he wake up?" Lapis guessed. Pearl huffed.

"He gave me a stern talking to." The girl scoffed. "Told me to be nice to you, because he likes you a lot and doesn't want me to scare you off."

Lapis smiled, holding a hand out. Pearl took it, looking down at her feet, looking guilty.

"What else did he say?" Lapis prompted. Pearl winced, and it was clear that the younger of the two had hit the nail on the head. She waited patiently for Pearl to work up the courage to say whatever it was.

"He… Well, he said I needed to be nice, because he could tell… That you're sad." She finished. Lapis quirked a brow, looking down at herself. Did she look sad? Did she feel sad? Pearl didn't make her sad. The girl brought nothing but happiness and the occasional annoyance, but nothing that would make Lapis sad.

"I don't-" Lapis began, but Pearl cut her off with a kiss, something she rarely did, for she knew that Lapis hated to be interrupted. She had ever since dating Jasper.

"Lapis, I hope I'm not the thing that's making you sad. I don't think I am." Pearl assured. "But I have the same sense that something is bothering you. And I just… I want you to know that I am available should you need to talk. I feel as though we don't communicate as openly as we could; That is, I feel like I rely on you much more than you do me. But I… I really care about you. And I am always willing to listen to you." She concluded.

The younger stared for a moment, then turned her face towards the window, staring at the waves instead. Pearl didn't let go of her hand.

"…I'm not sure what you two are talking about. I don't think I'm sad." She said, voice low. Had she been feeling down? Nothing came to mind, really. What was there to be sad about, tucked away in her girlfriend's house on the beach for the whole summer, spending time with a family that she was slowly integrating into, and-

 _Oh._

Pearl noticed the way Lapis' grip tightened for a moment, and she sat down in the small space left between the wall and Lapis' feet. She wouldn't look to see what Pearl's face was like, but Lapis got the feeling it was something along of the lines of sympathetic.

"You've only told me about your family once before, but I definitely got the impression that you aren't on good terms. You make an excellent show of being functional despite, but I think… I think you might need to get some closure." She suggested, voice gentle.

Lapis continued staring out of the window, more of a glare in that moment than anything else.

"…I don't need anything from them." She decided. She could see Pearl frowning, but didn't let it sway her. "They'd disown me if I saw them, anyway. Why go to the trouble of making it formal?" She reasoned.

Pearl pursed her lips, shifting over until she could dip down into Lapis' line of sight.

"Because, they're still your parents." Pearl argued softly. She smiled when, after a long, stubborn silence, Lapis sighed, her scowl switching to a pout. "A phone call?"

Lapis huffed out another dramatic sigh, puffing a burst of air into Pearl's face that tousled her short bangs.

"Fine." She agreed. Pearl gave her a kiss as a reward, then lured her towards the bed with a shy smile and flushed cheeks. And even though she was on edge now, thinking about her parents, she still managed to find sleep with her nose smushed against Pearl's arm.

They were lounging on the couch when Pearl passed her the phone, returning to her book as soon as Lapis took the receiver. She stared at it long and hard, then bit her lip and dialed the number that she knew wouldn't have changed.

It rang three times. It was her mother again.

They were both silent after her mother answered with a "Hello," and Lapis wasn't sure what to say. What would even be appropriate? "Oh, hi mom. This is the daughter that you probably gave up on years ago. How is life in your neck of the woods?"

"…Lapis?"

She jumped at the sound of her own name. How her mother had recognized her by her silence, she didn't know.

"Um, yeah." She confirmed, staring down at her free hand in her lap.

It was tense, then her mother sighed, sounding drained.

"Are you coming home?" She asked. Lapis had never heard her sound so tired, so defeated.

After a long, uncomfortable stretch, during which Pearl looked up, noticed Lapis' mild panic, and filled Lapis' empty hand with her own, she agreed, and set a date. When she hung up, she cried for a while, and Pearl combed through her hair with her fingers until she stopped. She also promised to come along. Lapis decided not to mention that to her mother. Some things were better as surprises.

She considered bleaching her hair, or maybe dying it brown or black. Then she got mad at herself for even considering changing her appearance for her parents. It infuriated her beyond reason that she still cared at all what they thought of her. And she hated that she still had some long stifled hope that her parents might actually love her more than they hated what she'd become.

The bus ride, at least, was significantly more tolerable with a companion. Pearl kept her from overthinking by holding long conversations, and she'd stroke her hair till she fell asleep for a few hours if she started to get too worked up. Compared to the bus ride she'd taken in the opposite direction, what felt like so many years ago, things had changed drastically.

Before, she'd been a scared but determined teenager, just barely old enough to leave home. She'd traveled with a crinkled ticket that she'd bought with change saved over years, hidden away from her parents in the depths of her underwear drawer. She'd said she was going to the city. She never came back.

Now, she was a scared but determined young adult. Pearl kept their tickets neatly folded in her bag, and kept Lapis smiling with little glances and the occasional kiss. As usual, she couldn't seem to control the impulse to lace their fingers together, but Lapis was starting to realize how very little she minded.

She was going back. Not for them, really. It was for herself. Maybe a little bit for Pearl. She needed to be truthful. The image of what she once was needed to be extinguished. If her parents could somehow love the new her, then that would be fantastic. But when they didn't, Lapis was prepared to let her 'home' become an unpleasant memory.

Pearl was looking around with interest when they finally stepped off the bus, but Lapis was underwhelmed. The place wasn't falling apart, run-down and decrepit after the years. But nor was it booming. No growth had taken place. It looked almost exactly the same as when she'd left. Stagnant.

Lapis lead the way, Pearl chattering at her side as her head alternated between looking to the left and looking to the right. She listened to what the girl was saying, but she couldn't reply enthusiastically. Her feelings for her old home were already negative to begin with; Seeing the place only made it grow, made her skin crawl.

Pearl eventually seemed to notice Lapis' attitude, and gave up on encouraging conversation. She still looked around, and Lapis eventually got to feeling guilty enough that she'd occasionally point to something and recount a memory attached to it. It was worth it to see the way Pearl lit up, genuinely interested in Lapis' history.

The town area, where the shops were, was about as busy as it ever got. Lapis mused that Pearl probably thought it looked deserted, compared to what she was used to in the city. Nobody greeted her, few even spared her a glance. Anyone who did was sure to send her a scowl or curled lips of disgust. She wondered if they even knew who she was. Did the whole town just pretend she died when she left?

It wasn't until the shops started giving way to homes that anyone said a word to her. They were walking down the sidewalk, and a house started coming into view, a couple pushing a stroller out of the screen door at the front of their house. Awkward timing found them meeting on the sidewalk as the girls passed.

The man of the couple smiled, and looked about to apologize for the pedestrian traffic block his family was, when his eyes lit up with recognition.

"Lapis Lazuli, is that you?" He asked.

His voice brought back memories of the varsity jacket Lapis still wore every fall.

She looked at his family; The beautiful, sunny looking blonde at his side, her tresses falling over her shoulders in careful curls. The baby, maybe a year old, cooing from the shaded seat of the stroller. She tried to see herself in the woman, in her carefully natural makeup, in her white dress that was just barely on the right side of modest, in her unfaltering smile every time she looked at the last boy Lapis had dated.

She couldn't find herself in her, and she wasn't sure whether she was relieved or not.

"Uh, yeah." She answered, knowing she had paused too long. "I'm visiting my parents. Congratulations." She added, nodding towards the baby, and then, thinking on it, to the woman as well.

He smiled, winding an arm around the woman's waist proudly.

"Thanks. Welcome back to town. And who's your friend?" He asked.

Lapis glanced at Pearl, who looked neutral at best. She wished the girl would give her some idea of the appropriate way to respond. Her natural reaction was to get mad. How dare he assume that they were simply friends. He must have known. People didn't just bring friends along when they visit their parents for the first time in years.

But another part of her was afraid. She'd kept her previous life so separate from her new one, and the thought of them overlapping was stressful in a way she couldn't describe. She knew, if she mentioned that they were dating, that this polite couple would quickly be singing a different tune. But…

"She's my girlfriend." She blurted. She watched surprise bloom on their faces. Pearl's too.

As expected, they quickly adopted looks of disgust, though they quickly covered them with forced smiles. He made some excuse, and they scurried off in the opposite direction, mumbling to each other.

And it hurt. But seeing the way that Pearl's eyes misted over, and the smile that trembled with the threat of tears, made it worth it. If Pearl kissed her the same way every time she said it, then she'd walk up to every person she saw and inform them of her relationship status.

"Lapis, you didn't have to-" She began, despite her obvious exhilaration. Lapis quickly shook her head, silencing the other girl.

"You're so much more important than what they think of me." She said, her voice firm. And in that moment, she felt ready to face her parents.

The feeling faded when her feet first hit the aged wood of the porch. She stopped, eyes tracing the familiar façade of her old home. It looked smaller than she remembered. If she was already feeling claustrophobic, she dreaded setting foot inside.

Pearl's hand squeezed her shoulder, and Lapis jumped initially, relaxing when Pearl drew closer.

"Come on. Nearly there." The taller girl murmured, taking the next few steps along with her. Her hand dropped from Lapis' person after she'd worked up the courage to knock, and they waited.

Her father opened the door. He looked older. Less hair, and less energy. He didn't really say anything, just stepping to the side to let her in. Pearl followed close behind, carefully avoiding eye contact.

Lapis walked towards the living room and found her mother standing next to the couch, wringing her hands anxiously. They sort of stared at each other for a moment, then her mother came to give her a stiff hug. Lapis patted her back just as stiffly.

"Your hair is blue." Her mother observed before they had even parted, and Lapis had to stifle the sigh she'd been waiting to release.

"Yeah, it is." She agreed. They seemed to be waiting for more, but quickly realized that she had no intentions of apologizing.

"Please, sit down. I made tea."

Pearl squeezed her hand in a show of solidarity, the gesture small and short-lived, but there. Lapis' father settled down into his recliner, and her mother joined them again shortly with a tray of tea.

She waited till everyone had prepared their drinks to their liking before starting up a conversation. Lapis wished she hadn't.

"You should have mentioned you were bringing a friend. I could have cleaned the guest room up a bit." She said softly.

Again, anger flared up in Lapis. Just like the boy from before, her parents knew. She knew they knew. Pearl knew they knew. They were just trying to force her into playing along, so that they could at least pretend like she was still someone they could love.

But Lapis couldn't play along. She wouldn't. She'd meant it when she'd said that Pearl was more important.

"Don't pretend like you don't know that she's my girlfriend. If I'm staying here, she's sleeping in my room. Otherwise we're going to walk right back to the bus station and you'll never hear from me again."

Everyone was silent, staring at her with varying degrees of shock and horror. She'd never spoken that way to her parents. But she didn't falter, lacing her fingers with Pearl's. She didn't really react, still just as shocked as her parents.

After a moment of sudden shuffling and clearing of throats, Lapis' mother added more tea to Pearl's cup, and began blathering about dinner plans. They asked Lapis about what she had been doing all the years she was gone. They asked her how long it would be until she graduated. They asked what she wanted to do after school.

They didn't bring up her relationship with Pearl again.

After dinner, Lapis excused herself and Pearl and lead the way up the stairs to her old bedroom. It hadn't changed; not a poster out of place, her books still alphabetized and her mirror still covered in magazine clippings. Her bed was smaller than she recalled, and still draped with her baby blue comforter.

They changed into pyjamas, then just sat at the head of the bed, holding one another silently for a long moment. Lapis didn't cry, but she'd occasionally shake, burying her face into the crook of Pearl's neck to free her mind of the thoughts that she was sorting through.

When silence pervaded the house, she led Pearl back down the stairs, wordlessly indicating which floorboards creaked, and they were soon walking down the sidewalk again. They'd both neglected to wear shoes, and were still in their pyjamas, but they didn't really care as they made their way to the only place that Lapis really cared to show the other girl.

Pearl was knee-deep in water before she even noticed that Lapis had led her to the river. She got quite a start, but settled down when Lapis showed no concern. They waded down current a bit before Lapis pulled herself onto the side, letting her legs remain in the water. Pearl copied her posture, stealing her hand before settling back to look up at the stars.

Lapis wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but she vaguely recalled seeing a bit of light creeping up the horizon when they finally snuck back into her parents' house. And it felt like she hadn't slept at all when her mother knocked on her door.

They stayed for two full days without much incident. Her parents carefully avoided talking about her sexuality, and she carefully avoided making out with Pearl on the couch, lest they see. But, on the third day, she made a mistake.

Ironically, the fact that she kissed Pearl in front of them was proof that she had begun to feel comfortable around them. She honestly hadn't meant to do it, but the girl had made a terrible joke, and Lapis was overwhelmed with endearment. It was a thoughtless thing, to lean over and euthanize Pearl's attempt at humor with lips on her own. She'd done it before, and she'd do it again.

But she'd forgotten, in that moment, how delicate the rope they were all balancing on truly was. She had barely misstepped, but she'd sent them all tumbling from a great height.

Her father yelled. Her mother cried, and eventually retreated to her room, probably to pray. Once upon a time, Lapis would have made herself small. She would have wrapped herself up in her arms, tucking her chin close to her chest. She'd flinch, and cry, then scamper off to her room the second she saw an opening.

Time had changed her, though. She was different than the Lapis her father yelled at. She yelled right back, stomping up the stairs to pack their belongings up, still having a shouting match while she tucked their panties and pyjamas away. And she cried. Maybe some part of her always would. But she didn't let the tears make her weak.

Because she wasn't weak. Her parents were weak. Too weak to know that love was so universal, and so perfect, that it transcended gender. Too weak to watch their daughter kiss another girl. Too weak to keep her from leaving before, and too weak to stop her from leaving now.

Too weak to be worth her time.

She handed Pearl her bag, then took her hand and led them unceremoniously through the door. She didn't stop, couldn't stop, until they were halfway to the station. Pearl was speaking unintelligibly next to her, her expression concerned and alarmed. Lapis couldn't even hear her voice, could only see her lips moving, their pace fast. She focused on it though, instead of her rage and buried sadness that was making her head foggy.

" – o sorry Lapis! I-I shouldn't have suggested this, I j-just-"

Lapis shook her head, stopping them for a second to pull the girl into an embrace.

"I'm glad we came. It hurts right now, but I'm going to feel better soon. You were right, I needed the closure. Maybe it's not what we'd hoped for, but at least now I can put it behind me. Thank you, Pearl." She murmured into the side of the girl's neck. After so much emotional turmoil, her voice was unusually even and calm.

Pearl was stiff as a board for a long moment, but she managed to wrap her arms around Lapis in turn, squeezing her. People were staring at them, but neither could be bothered to care.

"I'm glad you were here with me." She added, pulling away from the hug and finding it in her to give Pearl a small smile. Pearl's face went about five shades of red, but she nodded, covering her mouth with a delicate hand. Lapis' smile went wry.

"I wish the circumstances weren't so shitty for me to say this, but I'm really feeling it right now, so it'll just have to be a bittersweet memory." Lapis mused, smiling widely at her girlfriend. "I love you, Pearl."

It was strangely silent the rest of the walk to the station. Even when they sat down in the plastic chairs of the waiting area, it was wordless. Lapis wasn't worried, though. She knew Pearl wasn't silent because she didn't like hearing it, but because her brain was entirely shot. It was pretty cute, the way she walked around in a daze for the next hour.

The bus they got on wasn't actually on the route to their home, but it would be faster to go to a busier station and get on the right track than to wait for a bus that went straight home. It wasn't that much of a difference, honestly, but Lapis' skin was crawling with the thought of staying in town any longer. So they'd hopped a bus to the next city over, and prepared themselves for some red-eye traveling.

Garnet picked them up at the station. Pearl had called her from a payphone in the second station during their layover. Lapis didn't know how much her girlfriend had disclosed, for she'd been savagely devouring a bag of chips, but it seemed like the oldest girl knew enough, for she scooped them both up into a bone-crushing hug as soon as she caught sight of them. Lapis didn't even know she needed the hug until she was gasping for breath.

They were soon released, and Garnet picked up their bags, leading them out to the car and waving them towards the backseat while she stowed their bags in the trunk. She stopped by a McDonalds on the way home, and bought them each way too much food. But after traveling for the past couple of days, they tore through it ravenously, and the bag was empty when they stopped to discard it into a gas station trash bin.

When they finally made it through the front door, the house was dark and silent. And while Lapis had sorely missed Steven and Amethyst, she was sort of grateful that they were either sleeping, or respecting some rule to not bother them when they got home. She would be so much more prepared to accept a bear hug from Steven after some sleep.

She and Pearl trudged wordlessly towards their bedroom, not even changing out of their clothes as they collapsed onto the bed, barely managing to arrange their limbs comfortably before they were both sleeping like the dead. Lapis didn't dream, and she was glad for it.

She woke in the morning with a yelp, Pearl squawking in a similar manner next to her. They found that Steven had jumped onto the bed, landing roughly on their middles. It didn't really hurt, but it was definitely jarring.

"Good morning! We made together breakfast! Why are you back so early?"

Pearl, thankfully, took care of Steven's rambling with patience, because Lapis couldn't even think straight, too groggy to even translate Steven's excited chatter into English. He seemed to sense that she couldn't keep up, for he turned his conversation entirely on Pearl, content to sit on Lapis' legs, smiling warmly when she draped her arms over his shoulders.

Eventually he, along with the help of Garnet and Amethyst, managed to coax them out of bed and into the kitchen, where they shared a lazy together breakfast, eating slowly and chatting easily. Eventually, Steven's friend, Connie, came knocking on the door, and he raced off to play with her, not even stopping to pass out his usual goodbye hugs.

Garnet headed out for work shortly after, and Amethyst claimed that she didn't want to be around when they started being gross and mushy and stuff, so she shuffled off into the depths of the house. After a few minutes, the faint thrum of some terrible music began reverberating through the floorboards. Pearl looked annoyed, but she simply sighed and made her peace.

After slathering up with a disgusting amount of sunscreen, they ventured down to the beach, taking along one of the floating loungers, which they flipped over about five times before they both managed to climb on. There wasn't very much room, but neither cared much that they were practically laying on top of each other.

Lapis kept an eye on the current, making sure they didn't float too far away from the beach, but otherwise simply enjoyed the weight of Pearl's head on her shoulder, and the warmth of the sun contrasting with the chill of the water that sometimes splashed over them.

"I'm glad we're home." She commented, smiling.

It dawned on her then that, without her even realizing, her association with the word 'home' had completely changed. Before, it had been memories of the two story that she'd left behind. It had been the creaky floorboards and musty basement, and the grass in the back yard that was kept neatly trimmed.

Now, home was Pearl. Home was the ocean licking at her ankles, and warm hugs from Steven, and listening to garbage music with Amethyst so loud her eardrums hurt, and the sound of Garnet quietly chuckling when the show they were watching together made a joke too funny to ignore.

Home was the way Pearl smiled when they made eye contact, her cheeks flushed, and probably a little sunburned. It was the way her lashes fluttered when she closed her eyes. Home was her soft lips and sweet kisses.

"I love you, too." Pearl blurted, throwing Lapis for a momentary loop. In the time it took her to understand, Pearl had already flushed from her shoulders up. "I-I… I never said it yesterday." She added meekly.

Lapis was stunned for a while, understanding Pearl's hour of stupor the day before significantly more than she had. Hearing it from Pearl was sort of… Awe inspiring. To think, a few words could make her heart stutter so.

She lost track of how many times she kissed Pearl after that. Time passed strangely, for it seemed she'd only been peppering the other girl with pecks for a few minutes, but the next thing she knew, Garnet was calling to them from the beach. And she'd somehow missed the sun traveling all the way across the sky, currently cut in half by the horizon line.

Poor Pearl had a horrendous sunburn. Turns out that she hadn't been blushing the whole time. It was pitiful, watching her try to move for the next few days. She was close to tears most of the day, and in tears the rest of the time. Lapis lazed on the hardwood floor with her, and chatted with her while she sat in a bath of cool water.

She missed snuggling at night, but she bit down the urge, knowing it would only make Pearl whimper miserably. Sometimes, when Pearl would lay facing her, she'd lean in to kiss her lips periodically, that being just about the only part of her that she could touch without causing her discomfort. Pearl would fall asleep, unaware of how long Lapis would stay up, just staring at her face intermittently.

Pearl was beautiful. She'd thought so even before she'd considered Pearl an acquaintance. The first time she'd seen her, she'd found her carefully self-made grace enthralling. Pearl wasn't naturally graceful, anyone could see that. Her limbs were too long, and she was too skinny, and her shoulders naturally had a droop to them. The thing that made Pearl so stunning was her practiced control over her body.

She so carefully made sure that her limbs moved with a fluidity that their length made difficult. Lanky people had a sort of swinging way of moving, leading with their long appendages. But Pearl's movements were always smoothly coordinated, never too fast and never a muscle out of her control. She kept her shoulders and back straight, her posture eluding to a confidence that she might someday find in herself.

She had sculpted herself into a beautiful dancer, and Lapis was dazzled everyday by her performance. Pearl was a brilliant method actress, and every day that she pretended to be poised, she truly became more graceful. She shied away less and less every day. She found herself blurting things that she wouldn't have had the confidence to say before. She actually managed to tell Steven no more ice cream, and kept her stance even after being subjected to the puppy dog eyes.

Pearl grew, and learned, and opened up more and more every day. It was one of the most amazing things Lapis had ever experienced, and she thought herself rather fortunate to be where she was. Even if she couldn't loop an arm over Pearl's waist, or cup her cheek, or lay her head on her chest. At least she got to watch Pearl metamorphose into the woman she would become.

She knew she was going to love that woman, however she might turn out to be. She only hoped that Pearl would love the Lapis of the future just as much. She couldn't imagine life without together breakfast, and lazy days on the beach, and the perfect exhilaration of dancing together in the strawberry field at night. She'd never met someone who could make her feel like she was swimming and flying at the same time like Pearl did. She doubted she'd ever find anyone else that she loved to dance with as much as she loved dancing with Pearl, the motions so smooth that they could have been rehearsed.

She hoped that Pearl would be her last dance partner. She hoped they'd get married on the strip of beach behind the house. She hoped she'd be among the people that went to Steven's high school graduation. She hoped she'd get to snuggle up under blankets with Pearl and drink hot chocolate for winters to come, and that she'd get to see Pearl sunburned and miserable again a few summers down the road.

Pearl would snore, startling Lapis out of a doze. Wide-eyed, she'd stare at the sleeping girl for a moment, then she'd laugh, and lean over to steal a kiss. Pearl would grumble, her nose would twitch, then she'd resume her peaceful sleep. But a few seconds later, her hand would fumble around the sheets until it found Lapis', and she'd lace their fingers. She never seemed to wake up during this.

Lapis' lips would curve, and she'd wake up the next day not remembering whether she fell asleep before or after the smile faded.

A/N: I'd first of all like to credit the title to the song Vagabond by MisterWives. Yup. As anyone who has read anything else of mine probably knows, this was completely out of left field. I've never gone so far into an American cartoon that I was shipping characters before. Not enough to write a fic, anyway.

But Steven Universe, despite the often comical presentation, is strangely mature. It was the first time I'd seen so much depth given to characters since Teen Titans. (The original stuff.) Every episode we learn more and more about the gems, and the people in town, and the homeworld gems, and it's amazing. I can definitely feel the anime vibe that Steven is famous for, and I'm really glad that they're keeping to that standard as far as continuity and characterization.

I'm rambling and rambling in an attempt to explain how it is that I've come to ship this poor little pair. They haven't even interacted personally in the canon yet. But still, I somehow have found myself irrevocably in love with this pairing. I really love noticing the parallels between them, and imagining how their personalities would intermingle.

But if you made it this far, I'm preaching to the choir. I really loved working on this religiously for about a week and a half, my mind continuing to conjure up scenarios that I just couldn't ignore. I probably should have done this multi chaptered, but oh well, what's done is done.

Part of the reason this took so long was because I was torturing myself about whether or not I should include a nsfw scene. I was indecisive up until the end, but I finally chose not to have the scene in this part. I am, however, working on a nsfw scene that goes with this story, which will be posted separately and will be totally optional. You can stop here and have read everything that mattered.

I'll post that when I get it finished. For now, thank you for reading if you did, and I would love feedback if you have the time. And another note: I'm planning on doing PearLapis prompts every Wednesday over on tumblr. My username is KuroRiya, if you want to drop me a prompt on Wednesday.

Alright, long winded as always. Thank you, and good luck tomorrow and all next week with Steven Bomb 3.0. I'll be crying along with you. Best wishes!

KuroRiya  
九六りや


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